Miss. Barrett

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It has been 3 weeks since I gave birth to my beautiful baby boy, Zachary. Since he was 6 weeks premature with complications he has been kept in the nicu. I have been staying here at the hospital too which has been nice especially since I'm breastfeeding because I'm able to check up on him whenever I want and feed him whenever he's hungry.

Zachary has recently come down with rsv and pneumonia. Its been extremely stressful. There is nothing easy about watching your child in discomfort with a horrible illness. He is pulling through and doing great. I'm so proud of my boy and his progress.


Tonight he was given his 3rd bath. It was especially exciting because it was the first time I have been able to bathe him myself and its also the verh first time I've been able to touch his skin without gloves on :) he loves taking baths, he gets so relaxed. After his bath I fed him and then we snuggled until he fell asleep. I love him so much!

I have 2 more days until I officially enter the "home stretch" (third and FINAL trimester) of my pregnancy. I have been told that the last 3 months go by the slowest and I'm starting to understand why. My baby boy is getting heavier and carrying him is becoming very uncomfortable. I hate to walk right now. I don't even really walk.. I waddle. It takes forever for me to get anywhere and it HURTS.

The baby is becoming very active. I thought he moved around a lot before but not like this! What I was experiencing a month ago were amateur kicks, they were what you could compare to popcorn popping or the feeling of butterflies. His movements recently have been stronger and little bit freaky at times. He kicks and stretches and pushes and rolls.. not just that but he also gets the hiccups which is almost annoying because he seems to only get them at night when I'm trying to sleep. Hiccups feel weird. I don't even know how to really explain them. I guess the closest thing I could compare them to is the feeling of a morse code in your belly. If that even makes sense.

My belly is getting so big. When I sit down it feels like a watermelon between my legs and I can't see my crotch anymore. The worst part about my belly growing is that it's starting to get really itchy. I try to NOT scratch it but sometimes I can't help it! So far I have no stretch marks *knocks on wood* except for a couple small ones on the back of my thigh. I'm definitely not in the clear yet because I still have another 3 months to go.

I miss Dennis. I'm going through so many changes and I feel like he is missing out on so much. I'm glad I will be back in Orlando by week 31 so he can experience the last 10 weeks of my pregnancy with me. I'm so happy that he will be there with me when I give birth. He's going to be a great Daddy, I just know it.

It's about time I started updating this blog again. I get so lazy. So much has happened over the past month. I'm trying my hardest to be strong and independent so I can be a good mommy to my lil guy because he deserves nothing but the best.

As you probably noticed I mentioned "my lil guy". Yep, I'm having a little boy!! :) I am so excited. I originally wanted to keep the sex a surprise until the baby was born but I couldn't wait any longer. Ever since I found out the sex the "it" turned into a "he" and this pregnancy has taken on a whole new level of realness. I'm a week past my 6 month mark. Only 3 months left to go! I can't believe it. I'm getting closer and closer and my belly just keeps getting bigger and bigger, lol.

I had my first ultrasound on the 22nd of September at Winnie Palmer Hospital. I had been anticipating this day since I found out I was pregnant. I couldn't WAIT to see my baby for the first time! Not only that but I was excited to check out the hospital I will be giving birth at. Winnie Palmer Hospital is aaaaamazing! It's seriously like a huge 5 star resort. Everything is so modern and technologically advanced. I loved it!

I had my appointment for my first ultrasound to measure the neck of the baby and to confirm my due date. Everything looked great and my due date was exact, April 5th 2011 :) It was so awesome to lay there and see this tiny miracle inside me moving around on the screen. It already has so many recognizable features. We could see its arms and legs moving around, it's tiny fingers and it's facial features. You can already tell he/she will have their daddy's nose, how cute! I couldn't help but smile from ear to ear every time I saw the baby move around. It was quite possibly the coolest thing I have ever seen.

My 2nd doctors appointment was this past Friday. I got all my lab and blood work results back. Everything looks good, I just have to start getting Rhogam shots because I have a rare blood type (a negative) which just means my rh balance is off and I need the shots to prevent my body from producing antibodies if I happen to get fetal blood in my system. I also got to hear the baby's heartbeat which was super fast! I still can't believe there is another life growing inside me. I love him/her so much!

I am overridden with guilt right now. I took a friendship for granted and in the process lost someone very dear to me. Little did I know, time was running out and I would soon find myself in a position where "sorry" came too late. I dont even know where to begin. I feel a lot of different emotions right now. More than anything, I am sadden by the life that has been lost. Jessi was an amazing friend to me. He treated me like family and had my back through thick and thin. There isnt a single bad thought or memory that crosses my mind when I think of him. I have no one to blame but myself for the fact that he passed while we were on bad terms. I only wish I knew how to look into the future so that I could see this coming and know that it was time to make a mends with him.

I am terribly heart broken for Krissy, one of my best friends and Jessi's fiance. He passed away 2 days before they were to be married. I cant even imagine what she is going through right now. All I know is that Krissy is so honest and so kind and the last thing she deserves is to be mourning the death of the man she loves. I wish I knew all the right things to say but I have never been so lost for words.

I dont really know what else to say here. Im still in a state of shock. This does not feel real at all. I havent cried yet but that is sure to come soon enough. I know the reality of all this will hit me when I least expect it. Im trying to prepare myself for that but how do you mentally armor yourself to take on the fact that someone close to you has died?

Appreciate the people in your life. Hug your friends. Humble yourself. Learn to say "Im sorry" before its too late. Love your friends. Love your enemies. Dont be afraid to say "I love you". Choose to forgive. Choose happiness. Let go of grudges because they arent worth it! Be in alignment with God. Pray. Listen to your heart. Live your life and never take a single moment for granted!